This coming Friday, my husband and I will celebrate 5 whole years of marital bliss! I feel so grateful that we have made it this far in our marriage, because these past 5 years have surely been sprinkled with challenges, through the bliss. After we had an intense discussion the other night, I got to thinking about all the different things that can come between a husband and wife, drawing them apart rather than pulling them closer.
Have you ever tried to put two magnets together and you just couldn’t do it, no matter how hard you tried? There is a real science behind why two magnets repel one another. My brain literally hurts from trying to make sense of it. For you, I will keep the lesson short. Magnets have a north and south pole. Like poles repel one another (north-north or south-south). Opposite poles attract one another (north-south). Stay with me!
Marriage can often feel like the pressure of attempting to put two magnets together. Think about your desire to have the best intimate connection with your spouse (physically, spiritually and emotionally). Now think about all the things that have the potential to get in the way of that intimate connection. Arguments, kids, friends, family, work, hurt, unmet expectations, etc. The pressure you feel as you fight to be closer to your spouse might have you thinking your marriage is not meant to be. You might really start to question why you can’t seem to get that perfect connection. The truth is, the struggles of marriage are less about the destiny of your marriage and more about learning to do marriage the right way. Let’s go back to the poles of a magnet. Remember like poles repel each other and opposite poles attract.
Ask yourself are you both trying to be north poles or south poles?
Are you trying to do his/her job? Are you both trying to serve your own selves? Are you both talking over each other? Are you both depriving each other? Are you both trying to “win” in disagreements?
OR are you both operating as opposite poles as intended in a marriage?
Are you both carrying out your individual roles as a husband/wife? Are you both serving the other person? Are you taking turns listening and speaking? Are you both freely giving to the other person? Are you both focused on resolving issues, rather than "winning" as individuals?
You should notice that to be positive opposites, essentially each person in the marriage should be focused on the other person or the triumph of the marriage as a whole. Opposites really do attract. However, this really goes far beyond trying to marry an outgoing person if you are in introvert. For success in marriage, being opposites is more about how you interact and treat one another.
Another thing you might notice about two magnets when they repel each other, is that you might be able to get them super close together, but still not fully connecting. In full transparency, at times, I have accepted that in my own marriage. I have literally said “it is what it is” "ain't no use", etc. Unacceptable! Nobody in marriage should let the pressure get to them so much that they just accept sub-par results. Do not just give up and keep living as two “south poles”. You will never fully connect, no matter how hard you try. Matthew 19:6 says let no man break apart (put asunder) what God has JOINED together. Let that marinate! We really are supposed to connect or be joined in marriage. The challenge is just switching how we attempt to keep that connection. When you feel that pressure preventing you from connecting it is just a sign that you need to “adjust your poles”!