Recently a Facebook friend posted a status asking married people if marriage is really worth it. I immediately commented saying, “Absolutely! Go into it with realistic expectations! Don't marry someone expecting them to change. Fight "fair". Be honest. Extend Grace. Keep God as the head of the marriage”. In a nutshell, that was my bit of advice to a single person trying to decide if marriage is “worth it”.
I just had to take a pause as I kept saying the words “worth it”. I asked myself worth what? I just decided to look up the definition of the phrase “worth it”. According to the Cambridge dictionary, something is “worth it” if it is “enjoyable enough or producing enough advantages to make the necessary effort, risk, pain, etc. seem acceptable”. To me, much like everything else in the life of any individual, it sounds like the worth of a marriage is going to be determined by the man and woman in the marriage. So, is marriage worth it? The true answer: only if you make it worth something. I find it so interesting that most single people desire marriage, because they are tired of being alone or coming home to an empty bed. I was once in that same position, so I genuinely understand that feeling. However, I am here to testify that marriage is soooo much more than just having somebody in your bed! I can absolutely assure you that if you just want a warm body in your bed at night, then marriage is absolutely not going to be worth the necessary effort. Just having another person in your bed ‘til death do you part, in and of itself, doesn’t produce many advantages. You have to consider, sometimes that person in your bed will hurt you, fail you, make you sad, etc. There will be times when you still feel lonely, even though you got your long desired “bed partner”. To be 100% honest, some days there won’t be any magic happening in that bed (throwback to MTV Cribs Hahahaha).
In all seriousness, a marriage is only worth it if you see the value beyond the bedroom. At the core of marriage, are two individuals who have committed to serving one another. I have a previous blog post that goes into more detail on that (Check it out here). A key word in the Cambridge definition is the word, Producing! Yes, it is awesome to go to sleep and wake up next to the one who has committed to loving you for the rest of your life. But the question is what do we do once we wake up and walk out of that bedroom to live out each day together? Most people only sleep 6-8 hours at night. So, that leaves 16-18 hours to do life together. So much can happen in those hours. It is up to each married couple to make sure those hours outside of the bed are just as valued as the hours in the bed. You have to “produce enough advantages” to make it worth it, beyond the bed.
If you go into marriage believing it will be worth it and have actions parallel to that belief, then you will ultimately have a marriage of great value. Likewise, if you go into marriage with great skepticism and doubt, then you will likely have a marriage that is not worth it. Who would want to work hard at something, but in the back of your mind you think is will fail? Dumb, right?!
Marriage takes work! If you happen to be single reading this, never let anyone convince you otherwise. Every day you must produce enough to get you through the next day. I hate that there are so many bad examples of marriage in the world. I have friends that believe everybody cheats or all men/women are (pick a noun/adjective) and because of that, they refuse to get married. The truth is not all marriages will be the same. Worth is subjective. I have said it before, I will never write “Goals!” under the picture of another couple. My only goal is to perfect my own marriage and, with the help of God, keep making sure it is worth it to myself and my husband! Period! It is not someone else’s job to produce anything for my marriage! So, for all the single people and even married, it is on you to create the marriage you want and make it worth it for YOU! You cannot look at the next marriage and compare or contrast. That is counterproductive to your own marriage. Only you can determine the worth of your own marriage. You get what you produce and trust me when I say committing to having the same person in your bed for the rest of your life is no joke!